Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
