imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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