In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
