Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
