Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
