with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
