My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
