goodnight i made you a song goodbye
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
