Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
