Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
this boner is exhausting
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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