i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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