Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
