69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
