I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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