I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
