When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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