He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
