Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my being single is dangerous.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
