he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
