i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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