I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
