i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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