I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
