There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
