He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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