I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
