Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
