saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just had sex on a roof
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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