i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Randomize
