i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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