Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
What a dumb baby whore.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
