This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
