I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
