Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
