She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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