Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
