somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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