she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
