Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
