In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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