dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
tell me about the fingering
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