It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
