Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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