I like my sex mixed with concussions.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
