This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
