so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
