I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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