Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
