Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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