the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
