Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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