I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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