She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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