The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
